My journey to becoming a crosfitting mama

  

For as long as I can remember I have always been overly conscious about my weight, how thick my legs are and how clothes fit my body.  I’m not sure why or where my insecurities grew from; I just know they’ve always been there.  I can vividly remember walking to the bus stop when I was in 4^th grade  , the dust kicking up around me ( I grew up in a very rural area, saturated with dirt roads) and looking down to notice I had a dimple on my thigh , the entire day and forever after that I knew I had the dreaded cellulite!!

I was never truly overweight as a kid; I just always felt I was.  Sometime around 7^th grade I woke up and had a big booty, it just seemed to appear overnight.  Along with Gods sudden “gift” came stretch marks to my thighs and a booty which just added to my insecurities.  Middle school years are tough! There are the popular kids, you know who I’m talking about, and maybe you were one of them. Just naturally blessed from birth, maybe your parents had a little money, you were skinny, amazing at every sport, wore trendy clothes ….blah blah blah you get the picture

Then there were the kids like myself.   I lived forever away from my school; my parents worked hard just to make ends meet and couldn’t possibly bring me to every sporting event let alone pay the fees.  These are the years I became most self-conscious.

My mom was always very thin, my sisters one very petite and the other born with gigantic tata’s that God forgot to “gift” me.  Then there was me the youngest that grew thick legs and a big booty overnight.  I started to hate my body, pick it apart daily. After all what girl doesn’t want to be skinny “pretty” and liked?

And so it began……..

My life long battle with starving myself, binging and purging.  I did this all through high school and into early adulthood. I became pregnant with my daughter when I was 19. Surprisingly I didn’t obsess over my weight while I was pregnant.  However, right after having my daughter I remember going into panic mode.  I was determined to lose the weight! I remember my first week home I ate a few graham crackers and orange juice.  I decided I was going to become a runner.  I went on my very first run 2 weeks after having my daughter, before my first checkup. I would go for a run and every step would be pain, but I didn’t care I was going to get skinny again.  I had a baby seat on my bike and I would ride it 15 miles a day and run.  Eventually I lost all the weight.

Two years later I had my son and for some reason this really triggered my disorder.  I so badly wanted to be skinny and “fit” there were times I would weigh 110 lbs and times I would weigh 130 lbs.  it was a constant roller coaster , I joined every gym , bootcamp , dance class and signed up for every race I could manage.

At 24 years old my disorder still had a stronghold on my life.  I was starving myself to fit in that little dress fir girls night or that bikini.  I’m not sure what made me turn a corner but one day bent over a toilet , I just thought “I’m going to die of this”  then I thought of all the awful ways there are to die and  I’m going to die of throwing up…. How sad for my kids and how would my daughter internalize this as a young woman. Was I just passing the baton and giving her no other option but to grow up doubting her beauty?

Crossfit……

So one day as I walked my kids to school I Overheard a group of dads talking about this crossfit.  Naturally I wanted to know more so I went home and googled crossfit. The “what is crossfit” video came up on youtube.  I was in awe of the overall strength and endurance of these athletes and most importantly (to me) the women!  That was that, I googled crossfi

t in my area and found a local box.  I started the next day and I loved it, I met some really amazing people.  Long story short (I know could this intro be any longer) I moved and stopped going for about a year.  I really struggled and relapsed into my old ways until a friends started crossfit  and invited me to her box.  I went to a bring a friend day and there I truly met the most amazing, welcoming group of people on the planet.

I met women who were not only strong but they never mentioned their weight or how they looked for that matter.  They laughed and joked, talked strength and just overall were happy people.  You see I have never before surrounded myself with women like this and because of my own demons I rarely surrounded myself with anyone.

These women though, they inspired me. I wanted to be Strong, fit and happy.  It took me a long time to talk to people and I’m still just getting to know some people.  I went every day I could and I worked hard. The people were so friendly, motivating and really just overly helpful.

I still go to that box; I “drank the kool aid” so to speak.  People say crossfitters are “crazy” “obsessed” a “cult”. Yes it’s true I’m obsessed with crossfit and more so the community of amzing and inspirational people all with their own stories and challenges.  Crossfit helped save my life and most likely spared my daughter of walking the same path as I did.  Some days my kids come to crossfit with me, they cheer me on.  They come home and mimic the movements and say “mommy you’re so strong”  I have to take a deep breath and try not to shed a few tears . My kids look at me and see strength. That to me is my biggest achievement. I may not be the strongest woman, my quads aren’t popping out of my legs, but I’ve inspired my kids.  My kids want to be strong, to be like their mom. If that’s all I ever accomplish in my life then I was successful.

I’m a mom, a crossfitter .

I stepped out of my comfort Zone, into the box and Lunged for my life.